Emotions
by Strawberry-raven
Summary: Hichigo and Ichigo are struggling with their feelings, one trying to keep it from the other one who's pretty oblivious, while the second one is hurting him more and more without realizing it. Though when one of them snaps, how will it affect the life of the other? sorry for the crappy summery... warning, Yaoi BoyXboy, Ichigo Hichigo, and I guess some spelling and grammar.
1. Making you hate me from the very start,

**alright, hello and welcome to my first poem. Hope you will enjoy it.**

**Warning: Contains Yaoi, Boyxboy, some slight curse-language and most likely grammar and spelling mistakes **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, unfortunately...**

* * *

**1. Making You Hate Me From The Start.**

** Hichigo Shirosaki**

_Your eyes are so cold _

_They burn me _

_Your voice is so soft _

_Yet it cuts me_

_Whenever you look my way_

_you look right threw me _

_Whenever your calling me_

_ You need my power _

_Yet you've never wanted me,_

_Hated me from the very start _

_For the reason that I'm alive _

_It's not like I wanted to be_

_I was born from your darkness and pain_

_Serving the Yang of you and your light _

_Fighting and trying to kill you_

_only to take over and survive_

_Is it so wrong for me to want to taste freedom _

_To feel the only emotion I can?_

_It's not my fault I'm darkness_

_and the darkness never has any light_

_Your eyes are so cold when you look at me _

_They burn holes in me _

_Your voice is so soft when you talk to others _

_and it cuts me, known it aint for me_

_Whenever you look my way_

_you look right threw me _

_Whenever your calling me_

_You need my power to not die_

_Yet you've never wanted me,_

_Hated me from the start _

_For the reason that I'm alive _

_It's not like I wanted to be._

_It's not like I wanted to be born a hollow _

_To hide the fact that I can actually feel_

_The pain and heartache consuming me_

_but it's not like you'll ever care._

_I am the horse who's fallen for it's king _

_and even though I hide it by insanity _

_I still feel the pain from the knowledge of rejection _

_the pain tearing at me, matching the always falling rain_

_Your words are of hate towards me_

_You're pointing our blade at me_

_I fight back the way I can, _

_I need to survive for a little longer, king_

_and I know it's my delusions and dreams that are not meant to be real_

_What I want is to feel your lips against mine _

_A dream I made sure to never become reality_

_I made sure that your eyes are so cold when you look at me, _

_So they burn holes in me _

_I made sure your voice is not soft for me_

_always for anyone but me _

_Whenever you look my way_

_you look right threw me _

_Whenever your calling me_

_You need my power to not die_

_Yet you've never wanted me,_

_Hated me from the start _

_For the reason that I'm alive _

_It's not like I wanted to be._

_It's not like I wanted to be _

_And knowing your kindness would kill me _

_and Knowing I won't be able to talk without touching _

_I chose to lie to you_

_and make sure there would be no temptations for me_

_by making you hate me from the very start~_


	2. Without Return Hichigo Shirosaki

**_2. Without Return_**

**_Hichigo Shirosaki_**

_Sometimes It becomes too much_

_watching you, knowing I can't touch_

_hearing you speak, seeing you lips_

_and knowing their not for me_

_When you stand in this twisted world_

_so close, yet far out of my reach_

_It's then that it becomes too much_

_and I just want to disappear._

_In those moments my anger takes over_

_and I smash at the buildings around_

_Trying to take you over_

_to drag you here and scream my heart out_

_but it's wrong, I know it_

_and that's why whenever your here_

_I try to kill you from anger and pain_

_that you know nothing about_

_I act like a beast another to hide_

_the fact that I can actually feel._

_I can feel when you're sad_

_making me mad_

_I can see when you're chocolate eyes turn shallow_

_making my heart scream in pain_

_When you cry out in agony,_

_I want to answer your call_

_To ease you're pain by a kiss._

_Sometimes It becomes too much_

_watching you, knowing I can't touch _

_hearing you speak, seeing you lips_

_and knowing their not for me_

_When you stand in this twisted world_

_so close, yet out of my reach _

_It's then that it becomes too much _

_and I just want to disappear._

_I know I can't help it _

_those feelings for you _

_I lock them away _

_so you'll never know_

_But the pain stays the same, _

_becoming worse over time_

_knowing that not even old man Zangetsu, will wonder_

_why it is that I'm crying tonight._

_Then one day you come,_

_When the pain is at worst_

_Demanding a fight for being the one in-control _

_Ahh if you had just asked, I'd have lowered my head _

_being the horse that I am_

_But you never asked me _

_and so I'm fighting you now _

_you giving your all while I'm holding back_

_You don't see the pain in my eyes, king?_

_In this moment It becomes too much_

_watching you, knowing I can't touch _

_hearing you speak, seeing you lips_

_and knowing their not for me_

_When you stand in this twisted world_

_So close, yet out of my reach _

_It's then that it becomes too much _

_and I want to just disappear._

_The second the look on your face changes_

_is the second my heart tears apart_

_I let you run our sword threw me_

_but it doesn't ease the pain_

_You hate me, my other _

_You hate me so much _

_and knowing it was me at fault for your hate_

_I can't take it all any more _

_babbling lies I stared in your eyes _

_seeing if you would care._

_But not seeing even a single tear_

_I dropped my sword in surrender _

_There was no longer a place in this world_

_where someone like I can exist_

_and only for you, my orange-haired king_  
_I'll leave without return._

* * *

Alright then. Thank you for reading, and the second part of 'Emotions' is up. The warning stays the same and I just want to thank you for reading and hopefully you'll leave a review. Also I'd like to say that this one is a present for Hichigo, (assuming that his birthday is the same as Ichigo's that is. Not sure about that fact but we just say it is)

Thank you again and I hope to see you soon,

Strawberry_Raven


	3. Realization Ichigo Kurosaki

**_3. Realization. _**

**_Ichigo Kurosaki_**

_Where exactly are this tears coming from? _

_The hell I know, but they ain't gonna stop _

_Why the hell am I doing this, _

_shedding tears for a hollow? _

_For the beast I for so long wanted to kill?_

_Why does my heart feel as though it's breaking? _

_Why do I feel so alone? _

_The answer to that would be plain and simple, _

_Though I'm too afraid to reach and find out _

_Closing my eyes, I try to will away the tears, _

_but Whenever I do he's there,_

_called forth by my memory_

_His hair, the locks of pure white _

_and skin untouched by the sun _

_That maniac grin on his face, _

_as he swung our sword in a fight _

_I never trusted him_

_Never wanted him _

_Hated him from the very start _

_Not giving him a chance, not even once _

_and now I feel guilt and regret for it_

_Where exactly are this tears coming from? _

_The hell I know, but they aint gonna stop _

_Why the hell am I doing this, _

_shedding tears for a hollow?_

_Missing the beast I for so long wanted to kill?_

_Why does my heart feel as though it's breaking? _

_Why do I feel so alone? _

_The answer to that would be plain and simple,_

_though I'm too afraid to reach and find out_

_Twisting and turning in my bed, I can't seem to find peace nor sleep _

_My eyes are burning from tears_

_though it's nothing compared to how my aching heart feels _

_Everything's a disaster and there isn't a way to fix it_

_When I stand up in frustration, I see the reflection of myself_

_A broken figure of a boy staring at me threw the mirror,_

_Instead of the usual image of his white hair and taunting smirk and_

_the side-way skies and buildings reflecting from inside me._

_Damn, he must be happy now_

_His damned king has fallen _

_Raised his sword up in defeat _

_and threw away the crown _

_and is Begging on his knees to see the horse _

_The horse who he himself chased back,_

_in fear, pure terror,_

_so to never see him again. _

_Another to never face this all,_

_This damned emotions! _

_Why does my heart feel as though it's breaking? _

_Why do I feel so alone? _

_The answer to that would be plain and simple,_

_But I'm too afraid to reach and find out_

_Though no matter what, I can't run away _

_The realization being just behind the door_

_The door I opened in hopes of finding him _

_only to be met by darkness and then bitter truth _

_I have fallen in love with him, _

_The hollow born within me_

_I have fallen in love with the beast._

_Who I've hated from the start_

_I rest my head in my hands_

_before throwing it back _

_and screaming out in frustration _

_Come back to me hollow, come back_

_So that I can get that smirk off your lips_

_with my own two fists _

_Bastard, come back_

_I promise I'll get that smirk off your lips,_

_so gently with my own._

_Damn it, come back_

_I give you my word _

_if you do,_

_I'll give you some time to be 'king'_

_I'll give you the freedom of taking control,_

_as long as you don't hurt a human or whole_

_Why does my heart feel as though it's breaking? _

_Why do I feel so alone? _

_The answer to that riddle would be _

_Because I've fallen for the other half of me _

_and now that I've realized it too late, _

_I know that he's not coming back~_

* * *

Alright then, this is the next chapter of Emotions and I am considering of leaving it this way but I'm not sure yet. Anyway this was my birthday present for Ichigo, (I really hope he doesn't kill me for this) and I hope you, reader enjoyed reading this.

Please leave a review for me if I should just leave it at this or continue it.

but just in case I decided to leave it this way, I'd like to thank you all for reading and I hope you like it.

Strawberry_raven


	4. Rain Ichigo Kurosaki

**The rain.  
Ichigo Kurosaki**

_Rain pattered against the window _

_Why the hell doesn't it shut up? _

_The ringing in my head and the hurt_

_won't stop no matter the passing time_

_The pain not easing _

_The heart turning cold._

_No longer able to smile at all_

_What's the heck's the point _

_when your yang's gone? _

_" Damn it, Shiro, come back" _

_repeating those words as though in an endless circle_

_suffocating, knowing there won't be a reply _

_The person behind that smirk, _

_gone out of my reach_

_Isn't it Ironic,_

_that only when he's gone do I see it?_

_What he is behind that hollow mask_

_behind the mask of a beast and murderer _

_the male opposite of me_

_Now when there's no going back..._

_Rain pattered against the window _

_Why the hell doesn't it shut up? _

_the ringing in my head and the hurt_

_won't stop no matter the passing time_

_The pain not easing _

_The heart turning cold,_

_No longer able to smile at all_

_What's the heck's the point _

_When your yang's gone? _

_Reaching my hand, I raise it to my injured flesh,_

_blood running down my forearm._

_So strange that I don't feel the pain, _

_that should have been there from the wound _

_" Ichi-nii, may I come in?" Ignoring my sisters call, _

_I rest my head against my bloody hand letting out a sob_

_What's going on with me?_

_Why can't I find peace?_

_No longer caring for my life, The will to live's now missing,_

_Not bothering to stop the bleeding._

_Why had I let myself get hurt? _

_Maybe 'cause I hopped that he'd come back, _

_To save my life from danger_

_I hopped that he would come to save me and I'd see that smirk of his again _

_only to get reed of all this damned emotions._

_What the hell is happening to me?_

_Rain pattered against the window _

_Why the hell doesn't it shut up? _

_The ringing in my head and the hurt_

_Won't stop no matter the passing time_

_My pain not easing _

_My heart turning cold,_

_I'm no longer able to smile at all_

_What's the heck's the point _

_when my yang's gone? _

_The blood dripping to the floor following the pattern of rain_

_Nothing seems real, not since the day that he's left_

_Losing the will to fight for anyone, just slashing at my enemies blindly_

_holding back the tears, sending up prayers, begging gods to send him back to his Ying_

_And even though they're trying to help me_

_but no one's is helping me right_

_Suddenly a chilly wind blows, and the rain hits the cold wooden floor. _

_Looking up, my eyes widened in shock_

_" Yo" he says, just sitting there, on the window sill. _

_His soft white hair's wet from rain,_

_His skin's pale and he looks sick, _

_That grin of his is missing, replaced by something resembling agony_

_is he really here, or am I dying and causing this fantasy? _

_Rain pattered against the window _

_Why the hell doesn't it shut up? _

_The ringing in my head and the hurt_

_won't stop no matter the passing time_

_The pain not easing _

_The heart turning cold,_

_No longer able to smile at all_

_What's the heck's the point _

_When my yang's gone? _

_He gives me a scowl before coming over,_

_his hand blazing with his healing reiatsu,_

_touching my wound,_

_I let a scream escape my lips finely feeling the pain_

_His power blazing threw my blood and my veins_

_my scream doesn't sound for long though _

_as his lips cover mine _

_silencing me, and finely calming my unanswered cries_

_Melting I reply to him,_

_Trying to pull him closer,_

_but he inches back and outta my grasp_

_" ye need t' rest, m'king" he whispered pulling back from me _

_I bite the mews of protest, holding back the desires inside me_

_Suddenly the anger blazes as I come to realize somethin'_

_My eyes grow dark, and I bow my head_

_before my fist makes contact with his pale flesh _

_" Where the hell'd you go?!" I hiss at him in fury_

_His laughter echoes in the silent room, _

_a pained and forced yet pleasant sound_

_His eyes glow with emotion , _

_I didn't know that he could feel_

_He slowly leans forward to my lips_

_kneeling down before me_

_" secret m'king" he mumbles before fading,_

_disappearing back in to my mind, _

_my twisted-world where he belongs _

_his presence warming me up from inside_

_and even though I'm angry, confused, sad and happy_

_I let a rare smile grace my lips as I understand _

_that finely the rain has stopped falling... _

_  
Alright my friends, this is the end of Emotions. I thought of maybe doing another chapter that explains why Shiro decides to return to Ichigo, but for the time I haven't written it so I will just leave it at this and let you- reader decide what and why and then how their relationship progresses. Hope you liked it and please Favorite, follow and comment and me, Shiro and Ichigo will be happy to reply to any of your questions, right?

Ichigo and Shiro: *too busy to answer, doing other things*


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